08/09/2017

Next 200 Cool Whatsapp Status in English

Next 200 Cool Whatsapp Status in English

101. Some poeple are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.

102. I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect'. That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, 'Your password is incorrect.'

103. Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly.

104. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.

105. When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.


105. My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.

106. I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

107. Have some patience, I'm screwing things up as fast as possible.

108. It's a good thing I brought my library card because I'm totally checking you out.

109. You're like a sharpie - super fine.

110. I know I'm a handful, but that's why you have two hands.

111. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we're having cake.

112. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when I'm with you.

113. Bought a talking parrot today and taught him to say "Help, I've been turned into a parrot."

114. I made a huge to do list for today. I just can't figure out who's going to do it.

115. At night, I can't fall asleep. In the morning, I can't get up.

116. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket."

117. Guys are like stars, there are millions of them, but only one makes your dreams come true.

Love starts with a hug, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.

118. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present.

Life isn't about how many breaths you take but about the moments that take your breathe away.

119. This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.

120. My ex girlfriend’s status said suicidal and standing on the edge. So I poked her.

121. Got a problem with me? Solve it. Think i’m trippin? Tie my shoes. Can’t stand me? Sit back down. Can’t face me? Turn around.

122. Single is not a status. It is a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.

123. Facebook should have a “no one cares” button.

114. If your relationship status says, “It’s complicated” then you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “Single”

115. I’d really post your name here every minute if facebook keeps on asking me what’s on my mind

116. Delete me , Poke me, Like me, Limit me ..The choice is yours.. Welcome to facebook, where no one is really your friend. =P

117. I’d rather check my Facebook than face my check book.

118. I’m wondering why logging onto Face book has become part of the everyday routine?… Do I really have nothing better to do!

119. Your intelligence is my common sense.

220. That awkward moment when you change your Facebook status to ‘single’ and your ex likes it.

221. Weather forecast for tonight: Dark with a chance of tomorrow in the morning.

222. I intend to live forever, or die trying.

223. Being nice to people you don’t like is not being two faced, it is called growing up.

224. The kids next door challenged me to a water balloon fight. I’m just updating my status while waiting for the water to boil.

225. Sometimes I wish life was like facebook, you can delete anyone off your page and go back and delete everything you have said and done!

226. …did a lot of nothing yesterday, but I didn’t finish, so I’m going to do it again today!

227. Trust me I am a liar.

228. Got a new job with the local hostage negotiators and tried to phone in sick but they talked me out of it.

229. Girl: Why do you constantly keep posting my name as your Facebook status every 2 minutes? Boy: Facebook keeps asking me what’s on my mind? And honestly, it’s always you.

230. I’ve officially been diagnosed with OFCD (Obsessive facebook checking disorder). I have also been told that I am beyond cure. Please pray for me.

231. Roses are red, Facebook is blue, No mutual friends, Who the hell are you?

232. Facebook is the only place you can write whatever you feel on a wall. Grrrr Facebook won’t stop asking what’s on my mind even if I tell it, it keeps on asking.

233. I’ve gone out to find myself. If I should arrive before I get back, please ask me to wait.

234. I Know Wat You’re Doing Right Now… You’re Reading On My Wall, Right !

235. Facebook is like prison, you write on walls and get poked bu people you don’t know.

236. Call me anorexic, call me fat. I can put on or I can lose that. Call me annoying, call me dumb. Excuse me miss; but I’m having fun. Call me a flirt, call me fake. That’s just me, so give it a break. Call me weird, a nerd & a geek. Call me what you want, I’m just unique.

237. Facebook should have an ‘Enemy List’

238. Adding you as my friend doesn’t mean I like you, I did it just to increase my friend list.

239. You can't please everyone, you're not a Nutella jar.

240. Hmmm this text message is a little too harsh, I'll add LOL at the end.

241. Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears.

242. I'm not running away from hard work, I'm too lazy to run.

243. I miss the days when you could just push someone in the swimming pool without worrying about their cell phone.

244. Some people have "aha" moments, I just have "Oh Seriously?" moments.

245. Dear humans, in case you forgot, I used to be your Internet. Sincerely, The Library.

246. Don't worry, the spider is smaller than you. "Yeah. So is a grenade."

247. They say "don't try this at home" so I'm coming over to your house to try it.

248. For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there.

249. Sure, I do marathons. On Netflix.

250. Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

251. Always be positive. *Trips down the stairs* Whew, I got down those stairs fast.

252. Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

253. Dear automatic flushing toilet... I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn't done yet.

254. If you keep annoying me, I'll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline.

255. Facebook should have “So What” button!

256. As Facebook has a “Poke” button, it should have a “Kick” button as well.

257. My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update as the search bar.

258. I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell – you see, I have friends in both places.

259. Whoever said facebook was a good idea, “Let me share my dull life with the rest of the planet.” ?

260. No matter what anyone says, my cooking is excellent, even the smoke alarm seems to be cheering me on!

261. Facebook is the red carpet for pretty girls who have no talent.

262. …It’s Not That I Hate You… But Let’s Put It This Way If You Were On Fire And I Had A Gallon Of Water I’d Drink It.

263. He who went to facebook and left myspace is wise.

264. Am quitting face book to face my books.

265. Facebook should add a “dislike button” some updates are just too senseless.

266. Facebook is where hypocrisy, falseness, double standards, rumors and depression meet up for coffee.

267. I’d say we should have a “You Bore me” button on Facebook!

268. Single doesn’t always mean lonely and relationship doesn’t always mean happy.

269. Paper cut: A tree's final moment of revenge.

270. People like me great. People don’t like me great. As long as I like myself that all that matters.

271. Thank you to every person who has ever told me I can’t. You are just another reason I will.

272. I made my Facebook name "Benefits," so when you add me now it says "you're friends with benefits."

273. Marriage is like a walk in the park... Jurrasic Park.

274. How does a train eat? Chew, Chew...

275. I'd walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire because that's dangerous. But a super humid room... well not too humid, because you know... my hair.

276. What did the traffic light say to the other traffic light? Don't look, I'm changing.

277. You know you're an adult when you get excited about a new cleaning sponge at the kitchen sink.

278. Yes of course I am athletic... I surf the Internet every day.

279. I'm not weird, I'm just limited edition.

280. Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl's best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake.

281. Of course I talk to myself... sometimes I need expert advice.

282. If Monday had a face... I would punch it.

283. I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent.

284. I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad!

285. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge.

286. I really should do something with my life... maybe tomorrow.

287. I have reached a point in life where I feel it is no longer necessary to try & impress anyone. If they like me the way I am, good & if they don’t, it’s their loss.

288. You can’t compare me to the next girl. Because there is no competition. I’m one of a kind, and that’s real.

289. An attitude is an inward thought that wiggles its way out.

290. I’m not cranky. I just have a violent reaction to stupid people.

291. I might not be someone’s first choice, but I am a great choice. I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not, because I’m good at being me. I might not be proud of some of the things I’ve done in the past, but I’m proud of who I am today. I may not be perfect, but I don’t need to be. I am the way God made me. Take me as I am or watch me as I walk away.

292. There can be no positive result through negative attitude. Think positive. Live positive.

293. A bad attitude can literally block love, blessings and destiny from finding you. Don’t be the reason you don’t succeed.

294. Like me for who I am and not for who you want me to be. Take it or leave it. That simple.

295. What others think of me is none of my business.

296. Love me or hate me I’m still gonna shine.

297. Keep your face towards the sunshine, you will never see the shadow.

298. I’m only responsible for what I say not for what you understand…

299. Some days I wish I had the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old, and the energy of a 3 year old.

300. I know that Einstein's theory of relativity is correct because every weekend goes by twice as fast as normal.

301. Smiles are contagious... be a carrier.

302. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing!

303. Relax, it's the weekend... just don't blink or it will be all over.

304. To thrive in life you need three bones. A wish bone, a back bone, and a funny bone.

305. It's so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home they turned into soup already.

306. Please cancel my subscription to your issues.

307. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes.

308. I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!

309. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that's confusing.

310. Never judge a book by it's movie.

311. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.

312. Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!

313. I hate mosquitoes. I mean, I know I am delicious, but I don't give out free samples.

314. Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?

315. So you’re a player? Nice to meet you, I’m the coach.

316. If taking a shower is bad for the environment, I know I’m doing the world a big favor!;)

317. For those of you complaining you can’t sleep, LOG OFF FACEBOOK! It’s a proven fact that it’s impossible to sleep while facebooking.

318. David loves animals. Especially the sweet and sour chicken.

319. Liking your own status is like high fiving yourself in the face.

320. I wish that I could put my status to what I am really thinking.

321. I should change my name to No One, that way when I request you as a friend it will say “No One wants to be your friend”.

322. I should change my name to No One, that way when I request you as a friend it will say “No One wants to be your friend”.

323. The person who has ruined my life is one and only Mark Zuckerberg :D

324. Who needs TV we got Facebook DRAMA.

325. Go away don’t talk to me right now cause it’s my break time and I’m on FB mode…

326. Has implemented a healthy routine, affecting immediately . Very basic and it’s free – Nap Time!!

327. If the world really ends in 2012, I wasted my whole life in school.

328. Dear Facebook: They are not “Suggested friends.” They’re people I’m intentionally trying to avoid.

329. I don’t care what you think of me! Unless you think I’m awesome – in which case, you’re right! Carry on…

330. Don’t run after him who tries to avoid you..!

331. I just want to be left alone, is it hard. I don’t wanna talk because it ain’t going anywhere, let me be. I’ll be fine because I’m stronger than you think I am, I will not be defeated.

332. Treat me like a queen and I’ll treat you like my king. Treat me like a game. And I’ll show you how it’s played.

333. I’m just a mirror for you, You are good, I’m best, You are bad, I’m worst.

334. Don’t get my personality and my attitude twisted, because my personality is me, and my attitude depends on you!

335. Life: Besides gravity, nothing keeps me down.

336. I don’t follow others, I only follow my orders because I am my own boss.

337. Whatever life gives you, even if it hurts, just be strong & act like you’re okay. Strong walls shake, but never collapse.

338. My attitude is based on the way you treat me.

339. I let my haters be my motivators.

340. Attitude is not what you learn from school, it is part of your nature from within.

341. A can-do attitude is all one needs. It acts like a bridge between success and failure.

342. I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough.

343. How do I like my eggs? In a cake.

344. Of all my body parts my eyes get the most exercise, I do at least a thousand eye rolls every day.

345. Sometimes I get road rage just pushing a shopping cart in a supermarket.

346. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

347. I'm going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I'm outstanding.

348. Every time I have my picture taken I get hungry because I hear 'cheese' so I start to think of a nice cheese sandwich.

349. Chocolate is great, it gives you energy which can be used to go buy more chocolate.

350. Dear LOL, thank you for being there for me all those times I never had something else to say.

351. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Run!

352. If you don't cut the cake in pieces and just eat the whole cake, then you only had one piece.

353. Why must I prove that I am me when I pay bills over the phone? Did some else call to pay my bills, and if they did, why don't you let them?

354. That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man."

355. A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.

356. Don't worry about what to wear today, your smile goes with any clothes.

357. I bet you anything that I can stop gambling right now.

358. My middle finger salutes your attitude.

359. I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

360. I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

361. It is a positive attitude towards life that makes dreams come true.

362. Take me as I am or watch me as I go.

363. Don’t do drugs…give them to me.

364. You don’t have to like me, I’m not Facebook status.

365. I log out from FB. Reason: I am bored. After 5 min I signed in. Reason: I am bored.

366. Half- way through eating a horse and realized…I’m not as hungry as I thought!

367. Is wondering if wondering is a good thing or do I wonder about something else hummmm, I wonder!

368. Stop writing love quotes on your facebook.. It will hurt you more than you know.

369. If you see me smiling in public, it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head

370. Dear Facebook, Where’s the “DUH” button?

371. I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be “Nobody” so when I see stupid stuff people post, I can Like it. And it will say “Nobody likes this”.

372. After 11 years in living in the same house I found out that the bathroom mirror opens up into a cabinet.

373. There are two types of human beings found on Facebook. One who gets enormous amount of likes and comments on their posts. And the others are men.

374. Behind every successful Facebook update there’s ctrl+c & ctrl +v.

375. Say it to my face, not through your status!

376. Don’t piss me off then tell me to calm down, that’s like stabbing someone and then asking why they’re bleeding.

377. If Facebook ruins relationships then guns kill people, pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk & spoons make you fat.

378. All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza.

379. Being a beaver is nice, if you're hungry you just eat a piece of your home.

380 You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here.

381. That moment when there's a spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master.

382. Isn't it funny that the number 2 pencil is the most popular?

383. Today I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym.

384. I'm like Pacman when I'm at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.

385. Sorry I didn't pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone.

386. There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza.

387. I just got off a flight that crossed through five time zones. Does that make me a time traveler?

388. Cavities are like parking tickets, they show up by surprise and take all your pocket money.

389. I don't have the time or crayons to explain myself to you.

390. My decision making skills are as good as a squirrel that's crossing the street.

391. If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

392. I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

393. The traffic is so slow today that I read two books, ate lunch, dinner, replied to all my emails, and I still haven't got to work yet.

394. I found the hotel with the most stars in the world. It has an open roof so you can see them all.

395. I don't know how to act my age because I've never been this old before.

396. When I'm at work I can fall asleep instantly, but when I'm in my bed I can hardly fall asleep.

397. My cell phone is acting up, I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I'm still at work.

398. Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.

399. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back.

400. My kitchen cleaner says "for a clean kitchen" so I can't use it, mine is dirty.

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